“WINTER SOLITUDE” – by
Roman Ahsan
[Feb. 2010]
[Feb. 2010]
Nothing is more distressing than winter solitude. It seems there
are demons all around with no one to rescue us. Even our best friends desert us
since the world cares less for the pain of others. The birds chirp outside in
pairs but our heart does not sing with them. We start going through old photo
albums but they further make us slide into the blues with our eyes turning
moist. We reach out for some chocolate, and it does feel good for a while but
it fails to color our soul. The valley of hope where happiness dances like a
butterfly remains far from reach. The more joy we feign, the more tears we have
to shed since our soul fails to acknowledge this disparity. Deeply imbedded in
our heart is a longing that never goes away. There is a vacuum, a lingering pain,
some sensitivity, an agonizing memory and a concern for others that remains
unreciprocated. The world does not understand our emotions all the time and
loses patience with our constant self-indulgence. Thus we keep receiving one
blow after another and an aura of gloominess seems to surround us. We try to
cherish our aspirations and dreams but life is too cruel to contribute
anything. With head down on the desk, we soak our memories in tears. Suddenly, a feeling of peace overcomes our gloominess. God consoles us and sends His angels. He wants us to
repent for our sins and to get ready for a purpose in life. He wants us to
leave our tormenting past behind and look forward to a future where we help
people around us. People are in pain everywhere, souls are hurting everywhere.
If we waste our strength in tears then who will color this world? Should we be
so self-centered and have no concern for others? With this we rise from the
ground and head towards the outer world. Our horse of courage waits for us
there. He just needs the reins of faith to steer him towards the valley of
hope. The valley that we now begin to see…….
Very beautiful and emotionally honest writing Roman. I am grateful that you have plunged into these emotional depths and have taken the time to describe, so eloquently, the dark/shadow part of your/our journey(s).
ReplyDeleteNo need for a diagnosis of SAD.... I think it's important to see these times of darkness as a necessary part of the Spiritual Journey... it seems for me that this is the nature of the Path Home... If there is a steady upward movement or an emotionally leveling off into some blissful plateau... I have not encountered that terrain in my journey.
I feel this too. Today, I woke up angry... went for a long walk and broke sticks... and yelled obscenities. I have no idea where this anger/sadness comes from but I do know it is real. I feel better now. Thanks be to God (Allah). I have a friend that uses a bright light to help ward off the winter blues. I try to get out in the sun and take walks as needed. Regardless... sometimes I am just overtaken by this immense sadness of which you write.
Very nicely projected lonely winter. All our life we struggle to give colour to our souls from outside, while it gets coloured from inside.
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